Thursday, 29 July 2010

The night is darkest just before the dawn. And I promise you, the dawn is coming

My friend Lisa has mentioned this quote to me a couple of times and I have to believe it's true. I want to believe it's true.

This week has been trying to say the least but the weekend is coming and it has cheered me up immensely. I'm not too sure what's been going on with my boss this week, but I *would* suspect (if I were more cynical) that he's been a bastard intentionally. Most of the time we get on, and most of the time I can put up with his domineering, mildly sexist ways, but this week he's entirely rubbed me up the wrong way, especially today.

Yesterday I re-injured myself. It's probably happened 20 times over the last 10 years. The joint where the back of the hip bone meets the spine, the Sacroilial Joint, sprains about twice a year and probably has done for at least the last ten years. I made it into work today armed with freeze spray and 400mcg Ibuprofen bearing a simmering grudge for my boss. Considering it was his bloody fault I'd aggravated my back, I *had* expected a tad of sympathy. Oh, no no no! Patronising head-shaking in my direction and lots of tutting, like it was my fault. I can't tell you how much I wanted to punch his face in.

Never mind. Onwards and upwards! The weekend cometh!

I have Fridays off so tomorrow I'm going to hobble into town to get some bits and bobs for the festival I'm going to in a couple of weeks. Saturday night brings a wedding reception. An old workmate is getting hitched. Sunday we're hoping to go see Inception.

I've heard a lot this week about it being less than 150 days until Christmas. That excites me, but not as much as Halloween only being 3 months away! It's my favourite holiday. I love everything about it. I decorate the house with glee. I'll be going on a zombie walk for the second consecutive year.

What's your favourite holiday?

Wednesday, 28 July 2010

Another fly in the ointment

I had a very productive day today. I started work at 12.30 today so I did some housework, actually fed myself before I left the house and had a lovely stroll along to work. I got a lot done at work, refrained from putting an axe into my boss's head (see yesterday's post) and all was going great.

Too great, perhaps?! :)

My boss asked me to do the vacuuming (apparently my job description is elastic) which I did with my usual stubborn-girl attention to detail. A few minutes later I started to get an all too familiar pain, in an all too familiar place. In 1995, when I was working as an aircraft cleaner at Gatwick Airport, I had an accident and a 6 inch metal bolt went into my knee cap. To cut a sorry tale short, it wasn't treated (other than being stitched up) due to NHS failings at the time, and as a result my left leg is shorter than it was before. I know one of our legs is always slightly shorter than the other, but my left leg is at least an inch shorter than the right, which puts the left side of my body under unnecessary strain. At least twice a year my Sacroiliac joint plays up, and this is one such occasion. It's not much fun, it hurts like hell, but it usually goes away after a week or two with rest, Ibuprofen and liberal applications of freeze spray.

Tip of the day: Do not breathe whilst applying freeze spray , as you will be choked by minty-smelling fumes :)

Here is some information on the Sacroiliac Joint. I shall be needing one of these:

Monday, 26 July 2010

It feels like I'm wearing a black shroud

It's that certain time in a woman's menstrual cycle when murder is contemplated, expletives are peppered into every sentence, and the blood boils at the slightest thing.

With every howling full moon that comes around it reminds me the red deluge is around the corner, as it follows full moon by a couple of days.

It's not just the imminent menstruation which has me down. The Oxybutynin has me feeling like a zombie. It's so hard to get out of bed in the mornings, I feel as weak as a kitten, and I'm so thirsty all the time.

I haven't taken this new diagnosis very well at all. You could say I'm trying to self destruct. I have sought solace in food BIG TIME these last few days. I didn't go to Slimming World last week as I was ill, and this week I'll be surprised if I haven't put on 4 pounds. I've done zero exercise and have eaten a lot.

I don't look after myself. If someone I love was 'looking after' themselves in the way I do, I'd be really angry with them. It's hard to love a body which is trying to kill me in a number of different ways. Maybe that's a cop out. For some reason - and I probably need therapy to work out why - I don't value myself enough to care for me like I care for other people. Hungry, thirsty? Ignore it. Most of the time I don't eat until I'm shaking with hunger. Of course, it's pretty difficult to do a part time job, maintain the flat single-handedly and try to keep up with all the friends who want to see me when I already wake up depleted. I'm just the 'thing' which goes to the bottom of the pile.

I hate feeling this low. Despite having asthma, an underactive thyroid, a further undiagnosed autoimmune disease (which was Fibromyalgia and Chronic Fatigue Syndrome), depression and now overactive bladder syndrome I'm usually able to look on the bright side of life, but at the moment I only see the dark side. As negative words spill out of my mouth I think to myself 'Stop moaning!' but at the same time I can't stop. I really hope I cheer up soon.

Coming up tomorrow (all being well) I'll post pics of a few new pieces of clothing.

Here's a few photos I took yesterday at a local country park.

Sunday, 25 July 2010

Overactive Bladder Syndrome

I haven't posted for a few days as I've been quite ill.

I *had* thought I was having a series of Urinary Tract infections, but that isn't actually the case. I've had 4 attacks of extreme pain and discomfort after peeing in less than the last 3 months. I would get a dull, persistent ache when I needed a pee, even waking me up in the night, and then after peeing I would get the worst cramps EVER. I have had a miscarriage and had a metal bolt go into my kneecap, but this pain has been worse than both of those and so bad on 2 occasions that death would have been a relief to end the pain, and I don't say that lightly. Each attack has lasted about 5 days. I'm coming to the end of one now, thankfully, aided by meds.

I've been to see the doctor twice about this now and the first time the doctor mumbled something about protein in my urine and prescribed antibiotics. I saw a lady doctor on Friday and described the pain to her in more detail, and after she'd tested my urine sample and found it clear of infection she has diagnosed me with Overactive Bladder Syndrome. Basically the cramps I get (like period cramps but about 10 times worse) are my bladder muscle squeezing the life out of itself as it goes into spasm. Once she told me what some of the other symptoms are, things started to make sense. There are some other symptoms which I've been experiencing occasionally for the past 2 years at least. These are urge incontinence, peeing a lot and having to get out of bed a lot at night to pee. I had to submit a 48 hour urine test 2 years ago to find out why I was experiencing urge incontinence but they couldn't find anything in my pee. So I think this bladder problem has been building for at least 2 years and has only recently come to a head. Something they don't mention in the detailed information in the link I posted there is the pain. Google is my friend! :)  I found a better article here (which is a pdf) which has a much better explanation of the pain etc than the other article did. I have been put on a month long course of Oxybutynin to try and bring the bladder out of spasm and hopefully bring some normality back to life for me. If that doesn't work, it looks like a prognosis of continuing drug therapy and a joyous sounding thing called 'Bladder Training', which involves holding your pee for longer and longer between pees.

What this diagnosis means for me is another pill to pop, either entirely giving up caffeine or cutting down (I already drink decaf tea as I'm pretty much caffeine intolerant, and am switching to caffeine free Coke instead of Pepsi Max) and for the time I'm on the tablets, drinking no alcohol. Actually, I think it's a good thing to abstain as much as possible anyway, as a couple of my attacks have come on after a BIG drinking session. Alcohol and caffeine seem to be the two main things I can change to help myself, and believe me the pain is so bad I really don't mind giving up either!

EDIT - I'm still no further on 2 years later but I don't think I have OAB as the medication didn't work for me. I avoid alcohol, caffeine, citrus, onions etc. and things are a little easier - but I still get bad bladder pain each month before my period. 


Another thing I'd like to mention today is a lady called Katie Piper who suffered a hideous acid attack ordered by a man she only went out with for 2 weeks. After she called it off he held her hostage in a hotel for 8 hours and raped her. Then, as if that wasn't enough, he had a friend throw a cup of industrial strength sulphuric acid into her face. Katie was a beautiful woman before, and I think she's even more beautiful now. Her story is one of real courage and positivity so please have a look at her website here.

Thursday, 22 July 2010

UTI's are a pain

I've been off sick from work the last 2 days with the 4th UTI in the space of less than 3 months. This is the worst one so far and last night I was *this* close to calling an ambulance as the pain was unbearable. There must be some underlying cause, and I need to get to the bottom of it. It's usually pretty hard for me to tell when my health is getting worse as life is a rota of ever-changing symptoms, but a kind of hot pain which brings me out in a cold sweat and makes me nauseous every time I pee is a pretty good indicator things aren't great.

I think all sick people deserve someone to bring them cake, so in the absence of anyone to do that for me, I made myself a Slimming World approved carrot cake and had some with Muller Light yogurt. It was lovely. The photo I took didn't come out too good, so instead here are some photos of the view from our flat.

Towards Hastings

Straight ahead

Towards Eastbourne

Thanks for reading!

Friday, 16 July 2010

Manic Friday

I sometimes wonder if I don't have just a touch of manic depression.

There seems to be 3 kind of mood-sets for me. There's really pissed off, which happens quite rarely, thanks to the wonder of Amytriptyline*. There's so happy I could shit glitter, which again happens rarely. Then there's the rest of the time, which is spent in a kind of vague fog, otherwise known as 'life'.

Today was one of the blissfully happy days. I slept like a dream and woke up happy and full of loads of energy. I got loads of housework done, blared out some music had loads of things open on the desktop: Tweetdeck, Spotify, Facebook, Youtube, e-mail etc. I actually bothered to feed and water myself, something I usually neglect. All in all I felt on top of the world, especially when I heard Avenged Sevenfold and Stone Sour are doing a co-headlining UK tour. Wheeeeeeee! Not so 'whee', as James can't bear to part with the money as he's buying a bloody car tomorrow. I can't see what difference another £70 will be in the grand scheme of things, but then he's not as rabid an A7X fan as I am. I can't help but wonder if it was someone he's mad about if he wouldn't have been on the phone booking tickets immediatement! Cynical female that I am!

I really had to hold back from buying some things from the Simply Be website today, as they have a sale on.
I was particularly tempted by this dress at £12.80:

I was also struck by this slip at £22.50, down from £45:

 I'm really trying to be a good girl though! 

How do you talk yourself out of spending money?

*I'm not sure if I spelled that correctly. When I clicked the red wavy line under the word the top suggestion was 'Pantyliner'!! :)

Thursday, 15 July 2010

So Robbie's back.....and I'm not bothered

Today I heard that Robbie Williams has rejoined Take That.

Do I hear thousands of mid-30s women (and a few men) whooping with joy? Me, I'm not so bothered.

Don't get me wrong, I'm of the age where Take That remind me of my dim and distant 'yoof'. Nostalgia always tastes better than the original. I like their recent stuff. I used to work in a store where Take That's Patience was played on a loop of other songs about twice an hour. Pa-ay-ay-ay-tienceeeeeeeee! It was a case of either enjoy the song, or compare it to Chinese water torture, so enjoy it I did. Besides, that chorus is pretty unbeatable in the singalong stakes. As we never had enough staff, I can't help but wonder if Patience was a humourous addition to the playlist.

I think Robbie Williams needs TT a lot more than they need him. His solo career has been patchy at best recently. I also think he's a smarmy git, but that opinion of him is based in part on a friend who met him. She said he was so far up his own arse he got to eat his lunch twice. Actually, she didn't say that: I have used artistic license. She did say he was the most unpleasant celebrity she's ever met. Perhaps all the others she'd met were earthbound angels?!

I've had a bit of  a mixed day today. It didn't get off to a great start, as I didn't get to sleep until after 3 am. I'm having a flare up of symptoms at the moment, which brings pain, sleeplessness and a general feeling of I can't be arsed-ness. James left his pc headphones wire dangling on the floor and I tripped over them, going flying into the sofa, at the same time knocking my bag of sprinkles all over the floor.

Just after this I knocked over a Pepsi and nearly fritzed the pc. It was at this point I considered going back to bed :)

I'm waiting for my Avon makeup to come. I hope it comes tomorrow, as I'm going out to a local gig tomorrow to see a great band called Soul Sanctuary
and it'd be nice to try out my new pretties if they've come by then.

I came across a great resource today.

I get the cutest handwriting fonts at Fonts for Peas!

I found a lot of awesome free fonts. I have joined their mailing list too, as I love their website.

Hi, I'm back again, and a further ABOUT ME

I've really missed blogging, I came to realise. I'd been using the 'Notes' function on Facebook a lot and thought I may as well start blogging properly again, and not just writing deep and meaningful soul-searching pieces on Facebook in the wee hours of the morning.

Some of you may know me, some of you may not, so I'll do a little 'about me'.

The blog is called Plus Size Shopaholic because
I'm fatand I love things. Yep, I'm a fatty. Fat, fat, fatty! I wear a size 26 UK and I have been on and off diets for 30 years of my life.  My autoimmune issues impact my life in so many ways, but I try not to let it get me down. Life is great!

I live in the South of England - overlooking the sea - in a lovely flat. Everyone who's been in the flat stand and stare from our sun room windows.

My biggest love is photography, particularly of scenery and architecture. I really love it, but as my health worsens my trips out exploring wane and the more photos I post of
things like make up and purchases.

I collect pretty things like ribbon and buttons but am usually too lazy to do anything with them, and besides,  I spend far too much time on Facebook to be creative. I also have half a cupboard chock full of card making materials but haven't really made any cards in a long time, I'm not really sure why, but I have an idea it's to do with my general energy levels. Sitting at a pc tapping away here and there is so much easier when I'm dog-tired than actually DOING something, I find. When winter sets in again perhaps I'll find my creative mojo again.

I LOVE shopping. I know it's a terribly shallow thing to admit but I'm cheered up by the purchase of new clothes, jewellery, etc. You name it, I'll probably covet it. Perhaps if I endeavour to take a photo of my every purchase it'll make me realise how lucky I am. I do love a bargain though, and I realised when we moved JUST how much stuff I have. It's quite terrifying! I really need to have a sort out and to sell a load of stuff on eBay. Then I can buy new pretties!! As a larger bird, I think I do use clothes, make up and jewellery as a salve. I think slimmer girls can dress much more freely than us bigger sisters, so I'm always looking for that magic outfit to make me look great. Of course, I will post pics of my successes and failures!

A-ha, I just mentioned make up. Another one of my big loves. My favourite brands are Urban Decay, Barry M, e.l.f., Sleek,....I could go on. The only make up I really don't like is that low-price, low-pigment rubbish which looks great in the container but wishy-washy on. When I have the time and energy, I love to make myself up. I used to do make up for local alternative models, culminating with me doing make up on 6 people at a fashion shoot, but I have no desire to make a career of make up. It's just a wonderful hobby! I will post shots of my make up sometimes, as well as my new buys. I'll also post photos of any nice places I go to.

I like 'normal' people things like going to the cinema and going bowling, and I always mean to check out millions of films but only actually go about 6 times a year. I like going to gigs as well, when time, money and health prevail, and if all 3 do at once then I'm onto a winner! Music is such a bit part of my life, and I ADORE it. I would miss music way more than I would miss TV, if I had to go without either. I'm quite the nerd. I love Star Trek, Stargate Atlantis and a bunch of other Sci Fi shows.

If you have any questions, feel free to pin me down on any blog post (even if the question isn't relevant to that post) and I'll get right back to you. 

I love meeting new people and I love comments. If you have a blog and you think I might like it, be sure to comment and leave me a link to your blog.