I've been a bit quiet for a couple of days but I'm back with an Outfit August round up post and a general catch up. I did 16 OA outfits in total - not as many as I'd hoped.
Which one is your fave? I really like the monochrome chevrons, the galaxy dress, the animal peplum, the checkerboard skirt and the duster jacket. The only one I really didn't like is in the 3rd collage down, the black maxi with the leopard print hat. It needed more somehow.
So, what have I been up to? Recovering from Plus North, mainly. I've been taking ages to get to sleep at night and sleeping well into the afternoon, which sucks as the hours of daylight we're getting are diminishing by the day and if anything I need to programme myself to get up earlier, not later.
On Friday I went to the Yours Clothing store opening day in Ashford, which was really good but very tiring. I met Katt for the first time and got to see loads of beautiful new things, as well as have a good ol' natter with the other customers in the long queue to pay. (I think everyone who went into the store bought something - the tills were inundated!) I've never met such a friendly bunch of people in a shop queue before. It was brilliant! I'll have a post dedicated to that coming up within the next few days with loads of photos and all the goss. I also picked up a new dress, my bad, post wearing that to follow. Beans on toast for 2 weeks for me, eep. :)
You know I said I was going to talk a bit more about my health with regards to Fibromyalgia and CFS/ME? Here we go...
The travel to and from Ashford was very tiring and left me in a lot of pain. I was really anxious to the point of almost having a panic attack (public transport isn't my favourite thing!) and I didn't stop sweating copiously and shaking from nerves until after I got home. When I got back to my local train station I was so fatigued I had to lean on a lamp post for support until my cab came as I couldn't balance on my own. When I got indoors I was in so much pain I was nearly in tears. I got straight into bed and fell asleep once I'd got as comfortable as I was going to get. Trying to sleep when you're in lots of pain is no fun, as I'm sure you all have experienced at some time or another.
I woke up about 90 minutes later with such a sore throat I could barely talk and massive cramps in my legs and back. I felt - to be frank - like hammered shit. I knew I would end up feeling terrible but I still went because I can't be a hermit all the time. But every time I do something - no matter how insignificant it would seem to a 'normal' person - I have to pay the price afterwards. I'll be feeling the effects of that little outing for days.
All I did was travel on a train, walk for about 15 mins from the station to the shop, do some shopping, sit in a cafe with Katt for a natter and came home again. I was out of the house for about 7 hours in all, so it's not even as long as a normal working day for most people. This for me is what I call a 'big day out' as I know the effects will last for days after the event. Every action is weighed up carefully. Is doing xyz worth the pain it will cause me?
It's not just that. I can feel my mind slowing down when I'm out in public. It's like I'm thinking through the mental equivalent of quicksand. I can't remember a lot of what went on at Plus North, and when I'm having conversations with people I lose my thread half way through a sentence and end up looking like a dumb arse. I can feel the speed I talk at slowing down as I desperately try to remember what the hell I was saying 3 words beforehand. Loud noises, bright lights, people rushing past me in a public place....it's all too much for a Fibromyalgia and CFS/ME brain so it shuts down to cope. I can't talk and walk at the same time, or do anything else for that matter. It's like I used to be a super-computer able to hold loads of data and do loads of tasks at the same time and now I'm a floppy disk. Most of the time I don't load. ;)
I second guess myself all the time. Have I met this person before and forgot about it? Have I said hello to this person already at Plus North? Will they think I'm a effing idiot if I introduce myself again? It isolates me. I hate it, so sometimes I stay quiet when I really don't want to.
Honestly, I leave the house about once a week on a good week, and most of the time it's with James, in the car. Every time I'm out of the house, especially if there are a lot of people about, it's total war on my senses. It's exhausting mentally and physically. I crave quiet and love being out in the countryside with only birds to listen to. I'm on my own all day on the weekdays and still need to stay up on my own for a couple of hours after James goes to bed to decompress from a few hours of talking to him.
Sometimes I need to do things to remind me how bad things are, because believe it or not I'm an optimist and I keep thinking I'm better off than I am, and then I beat myself up constantly for alllll the bad days I've been having lately. Sometimes I need to be reminded of my limitations. So, there's a silver lining in every cloud (or, as I nearly just typed there's a silver cloud in every lining. Ha!)
Wow, I feel better for getting that out. :D
Thanks for reading!
Leah xoxo
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