I could've made this a video update but TBH I didn't fancy putting makeup on for it. ;) So what's happening with me? My step dad's still in hospital on and off to make sure they get rid of every last cell of cancer in his body, even though the mass has gone. The NHS are being so thorough, which is wonderful. He's coming home on weekends when he's well enough, and he *should* be finished with chemo in 3 weeks or so. My mum's knee is still giving her trouble and I suspect she's done more than just whacked it. It's barely improved at all since last week even with lots of rest so she will be going back to the doctor to check it out.
I had a lovely couple of days with my mum when I went to look after her last week. This was the first time we'd spent together just us two for a long time. It was tiring being mum's carer (I have no idea how full time carers do it honestly) and she was doing her absolute best to not trouble me with too many requests, but I wanted to do it. I did look and feel very tired by Saturday though, and that's Fibromyalgia and CFS kicking my butt. We had a lot of laughs, especially when it came to taking her out in the wheelchair on Friday and Saturday. I need my wheelchair L plates - I nearly knocked her legs off twice. Sorry mum!
We went to the hospital to see my step dad on Friday and pushing a wheelchair through the winding hospital corridors was great cardio. I was sweating bullets! My step dad was quite chirpy, which was lovely to see. On Saturday morning mum and I got a cab into town to meet my dad (actual dad, not step dad) and he took over the reigns of the disabled chariot with gusto. We went to a few shops - I stocked up on Halloween decor and bought some Christmas stocking fillers - and had a drink outside a cafe soaking up the unexpected sunshine. I also bought a cosy blanket wrap from Primark which will appear in an outfit post soon.
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| Mum in her disabled chariot |
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| My dad |
James arrived at lunch time Saturday to take mum and I to the hospital to collect Pete who was let out for the weekend. James took over wheelchair duties without being asked, which impressed me. You can tell a lot about a person by how they treat disabled people, even if they're only temporarily impaired like my mum. Never trust anyone who sees a disabled person as less than, because any of us could end up like it in a heartbeat.
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| James does his Ryan Gosling skit! |
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| Do you think I'm sexy?! |
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| I told Pete he looks like a Bee Gee! |
All in all it was a great weekend and I feel happy at the moment.
While I was at my mum's we had a takeaway 2 nights running, and it's left me craving healthy stuff. There's nothing like a couple of days of eating rubbish to put you in the mood for lots of fruit and veg! Because the last few months took such a toll on me I've decided I need structure in my life. So that means less chaos and more routine, putting exercise into every day, and putting myself and my commitments first before I look at my phone and get sucked into a social media sinkhole. Someone wise recently said the order to think of things in is me, my family, then everyone else. I can't remember who it was, but thank you! It's so simple. First I take care of my own needs - ablutions, breakfast, exercise. Then I can check on my family if I haven't bugged them in a while, then I can look at the endless notifications on my phone, check my personal and blog emails, and respond to everything. And it seems to be working. I feel a bit more centred.
Something else that happened is I'm no longer vegan. I'm not even vegetarian. A couple of things shaped this - my hair started falling out, especially at the front. I don't know if it's stress or the vegan diet, but I've started chopping the top of my head off in close up photos to hide my scalp, which is really visible at the front. The other thing which was the death knell for being vegan was that in the last month I had unbelievable cravings for red meat. I've never been a red meat eater - steak turns my stomach. And yet I was having oh-my-God-has-James's-vasectomy-failed intensity cravings for red meat. I've never experienced anything like this level of yearning for any food, and because I wasn't buying meat I found myself having takeaways a couple of times a week, which isn't the best/healthiest thing for me. I suspect the cravings were my body's way of telling me I was getting anaemic. So meat is back on the menu. Not every day, but some. And weirdly I'm still off dairy and eggs. I'm using dairy replacements as before, but I NEED meat. And it feels shit because I really did want to be vegan because animal welfare is a big concern of mine. Gah.
So, what's new with you? Tell me in the comments. :) By the time you read this I will have had my GP appointment about my mental health, and fingers crossed it will have gone well.
Thanks for reading,
Leah xoxo
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